Yesterday I had an appointment with my doctor. Nothing big, just a normal prenatal appointment. Everything looks great. The baby's heart ratet is great, my weight gain is right on track and I am measuring right where I should be. So, nothing to worry about right? Wrong. Here's the problem. I have spent way too much time working in the NICU. I have seen too many sick babies to believe that people even have healthy babies.
Here's the reason for my worrying (not that I really need a reason). Last time I had an appointment I was measuring slightly bigger than I should have been but not outside of the normal range. I was just at the high end of the normal range if that makes sense. Of course that worried me too and I was looking at all kinds of different problems that can cause measurements to be too big. So at my appointment yesterday I should have been reassured that I was measuring right on. And for about a millisecond I was. But then the worry set in again. I started to wonder if the baby's growth has slowed down. I mean if I was measuring big before and now I'm measureing where I should be, did the baby stop growing? What's wrong now?
Chances are it's nothing. Probably just a differnce in how the baby was sitting from one appointment to the next. Both my doctor and my wonderful husband reassured me that there's no reason to believe anything is wrong. All of my test results have come back great for this pregnancy. I don't have any risk factors and I live a relatively healthy lifestyle. I guess I just need to take a deep breath and try to relax. Maybe I should focus, instead, on chosing a name for this little guy. And hopefully next time I work I will be in the regular nursery, that would be a great reminder that lots of people have healthy babies every day.
Ok, after posting that and going back and reading it I realized that I sounded a little crazy. I really don't think anything's wrong. It's just your normal 'it's a mom's job to worry' kind of worry. Plus a little NICU nurse 'I know too much and I've seen too much' kind of worry. But I don't have that 'mother's intuition that something's really wrong' worry. Just typing this post and letting me see how crazy I sound to be worrying about a perfectly healthy pregnancy makes me feel a little better somehow. Those who have been pregnant before probably understand and those who haven't probably think I'm a nut. But at least I feel better.
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3 comments:
I know exactly what you mean. There are so so many weird crazy things that could be abnormal or wrong that you think the chances of having a normal healthy baby are not very good. But you are a pro at making healthy babies! Look at your two adorable boys! You aren't crazy tho :)
Every mom worries about something. Just remember that if you are doing your part (which you are and then some) that this baby will come to you exactly as the Lord wants him to. He's perfect, no matter how he comes...although I'm sure he'll actually be perfect in the textbook sense too. Also, your hormones are raging, so of course you're nuts - and don't let anyone tell you otherwise. =)
Connie,
You were radiant last night.
This baby is a high rider. I noticed it last night. Soon he will do what he is supposed to and start to drop and then you will worry because you will actually measure the same or less.
I enjoyed your thought process though, made me smile my first smile of the day.
Love you, Dona
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