Where Do I Begin?

I can't believe how much time has passed since my last post. Let's just say that life with 4 kids and working 20 hours a week is quite time consuming. I haven't meant to be away for so long. And once again, I will be catching up on past stuff before I get to current happenings.

One thing I remember thinking about after having Brynn, was how much I loved her. Of course all mothers feel overwhelming love for their new babies. And I felt the same types of emotions after the births of my boys. But somehow this felt different.

I guess if I give a little background, it might help. To put it mildly; I was terrified of having a little girl after three boys. I had the mom of boys thing figured out. I felt good about raising boys, and I loved saying, "I love my boys!" and feeling like it covered not only my kids, but Casey too in one simple statement. I love how little boys love their moms. I love being included in boy stuff when we all go hiking or other activities. We had all the boy clothes, toys, blankets we needed. And we make really cute boys. I felt good about having boys and raising boys. I guess I identified myself as a "mom of boys" as if it was a title, and that felt right to me. So expecting a little girl gave me some anxiety.

Well, when Brynn was born, I loved her right away. And I remember saying to Casey, "She's so pretty!" over and over. We fell in love with our little girl very quickly and suddenly it didn't matter that I was no longer a "mom of boys," which I had always though of as an important distinction.

Once I was home with our little girl I felt a connection to our baby that I hadn't expected. And a thought came to my mind. Now this is probably a line from a cheesey movie from the 80's but the phrase, "Something I never knew I always wanted" came to me. And it so perfectly describes how I felt about Brynn. I guess part of it was that prior to finding out if Brynn was a boy or a girl, I repeatedly had people tell me that I "needed" to have a girl. And I didn't like that. I felt like I would have been just as happy with a boy. And I guess in a way, I hoped it would be a boy so that I could prove it.  But to tell me I needed a girl really bothered me. And maybe that's why I was so nervous about having her. In many ways I didn't think that having a girl would really be so different. But since so many people said I "just had to have a girl," it made me nervous I guess.

Once Brynn was in our family it all made sense. I understood what all the excitement over girls was about. and I can't believe how fun it is to have a little girl. I love being able to say, "my daughter" and buy pink things and skirts. Now don't get me wrong. Being a girl mom is a lot different than being a boy mom. And I don't always have Brynn's hair done or shoes to go with each and every outfit. But The fact that I love having a little girl is the thing that's important to me. She's something I never knew I always wanted.